Thanks for this amazing freebie
Parents: two overcaffeinated life-managers who spawn into your existence with zero tutorial and immediately start speedrunning your childhood like it’s a co-op survival game.
They possess the supernatural ability to hear a snack wrapper open from three zip codes away while remaining completely deaf to “I already cleaned my room.”
Also legally recognized as your personal paparazzi, financial sponsors, and emotional support gremlins who somehow survive exclusively on leftovers and your audacity.