Narc - as in narcissist (whatever WERE you thinking that would be ?!?)
Got any in your life ?? (Yep, I do.)
Here's an oversimplification=>
Someone who is just as nice as could be one second and as vicious as a riled hungry beast the next second - usually for no apparently reasonable cause.
What follows describes the narc from the inside out, or:
Maybe it is just a cool music video - that's for you to decide (for me it is BOTH).
BTW - plenty of other stuff has been posted here about narcs - just do a full search on either narcissist or narcissism and the results may be interesting to see.
There are so very many narcs - lots and lots of bosses are that way and it is everywhere, moms, dads, sisters, brothers - really it can be almost anyone and it comes in varying degrees too, ranging from very mild and simply a bit annoying to outright cruelty, psychopathic and/or sociopathic.
Lastly - none of this is intended to say that narcs are inherently evil people.
A great many of folks afflicted with this are just as confused by their own behaviours as those who are around them who are NOT narcs - hence the wonderful music video included here.
PS:
There is ONE sort of person who is NEVER able to be afflicted with narcissism - the sort who is ALWAYS kind and refuses to live an ego-centered life.
Must be time for an update and addition to this thread, so here goes...
Anyone else here live with a narcissist ?
I do - have for years - its been quite a learning too.
1st realizing what it actually IS - and then learning what brought me to being narc bait all my life.
And finally becoming (mostly) immune to its effects.
My favourite line from the article below:
"Narcissists are delusional, entitled and disordered."
The article I quote below is one out of a great many made by a woman who profits from drip feeding those suffering at the hands of narcs.
As such I do not recommend buying her stuff at all - but out of her many daily things this is a real goodie, though rare.
I'm putting the (lengthy) transcript 1st, followed by the video for anyone who prefers that medium.
Quote:Video Transcript
I’m really hoping that today’s Thriver TV will wake you up, in a good way. In a way that gives you more than just hope. In a way that grants you the True Solution to bringing a narcissist to justice.
This is important because many people believe this is impossible to achieve. But truly it’s not, and after watching this episode I know you will understand how to do this.
In many ways, this video is an extension of my last video, which was about how to protect ourselves as highly sensitive people. This one takes this further by putting an end to a narcissist lining us up – and spinning the tables once and for all.
Today we’ll break this down, one step at a time, leading all the way to the revealing of the number 1 tip regarding bringing a narcissist to justice, which myself and so many other NARP members have achieved … powerfully.
Okay, now before I go any further into the unravelling of this, make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already, and leave a like if you enjoy this video.
Okay … let’s start, with the first necessary understanding for today.
The Challenges To Overcome To Bring Narcissists To Justice
Many of us struggle or have struggled to bring a narcissist to justice.
The first common stumbling block is that we don’t want to hit people hard and hurt them, it’s not in our nature. Especially someone we wanted to or once deeply loved.
Yet, we need to realise, when dealing with a narcissist, that there is no middle ground. It’s simply stand up in full power, rights and truth, or you WILL be taken down.
The other sticking point is that we have been scared regarding what the retaliation and nasty possibilities will be. However, narcissists are not powerful or even well-armed. They are bullies who use another person’s fear against them. When we aren’t as yet anchored into our power, trusting ourselves and Life to deliver powerful and solid results, we hand our power away with fear. This is where narcissists thrive, able to use this against us to their advantage.
Deeply Investigating How Powerplays Happen with Narcissists
There are many martial artists who know that one of the most effective ways to defeat an opponent is to use an assailant’s energy against them. Steven Seagal in his movies, with Aikido, demonstrated this tactic perfectly
To discover the answer of how to bring a narcissist to justice begins with understanding exactly how they bring us undone. How do narcissists control us and hurt us?
The answer is: they find our weaknesses and exploit them.
Things like struggling to honour ourselves with setting boundaries and limits and not wanting to rock the boat …
And, being able to be manipulated through guilt and over responsibility for others to the detriment of ourselves …
And, being so attached to needing this person to love and approve of us that we continue trying to assert our goodness and loyalty no matter how badly we are being damaged …
Or, being empathetic and compassionate toward someone we should not be continually granting another chance to …
And the list goes on and on.
Narcissists find these gaps, these unhealed parts within us (our unresolved inner wounds not allowing us as yet to honour ourselves healthily) and twist and turn these parts of ourselves to fulfil their agendas.
They play on these parts, belt them or withhold from them, depending on what manipulation tactic will yield the greatest results.
I have talked over and over again (just as I had to firmly realise myself) about the necessity to heal these parts within, to close up the gaps that the narcissist can continue to target, hook us in and keep abusing us with.
It’s only when we find, release and heal these inner parts of ourselves up to being self-honouring adults on the inside, that we no longer are trapped by narcissists.
What Happens When We Close Our Gaps?
It’s so important to understand there is a necessity to be solid on the inside (which NARP can powerfully help you become) before stepping into the ring to take down a narcissist.
As a result of doing the inner work, you have a powerful opportunity to become ‘anti-fear’. Meaning you are continually meeting and uplevelling your triggers on the inside and therefore the narcissist can no longer emotionally trap you and derail you.
Because of not reacting and handing over any emotional attention, you have stopped granting the narcissist narcissistic supply.
So many things start to shift from this place; you can go free of the notion that you need the narcissist to do anything for you to get a positive outcome. Rather, you have started anchoring into your own being to begin generating this reality yourself.
There is no more fruitlessly trying to make deals with them, hoping for them to come around to your way of thinking, and you cease hoping that they can be reached with compassion, fairness or empathy, or start acting like a normal and reasonable human being. Additionally, you are way past any yearning or heartbreak for the person you wish the narcissist could be, and simply see it for the Truth, which is:
Your journey with the narcissist, including this pivotal time, of incredible stress and needing to find and anchor into your True Self and True Power is for this reason –
Fulfilling your soul contract with this person to take your evolution to self-love, self-respect and self-honour. Which includes healing yourself beyond the comfort zones of fear, hiding and shame, to rise into standing fully, calmly and clearly in your rights and truth and openly walking them powerfully.
The 3 Choices in Dealing with Narcissists
It’s important to understand that narcissists in battle do not seek what non-disordered people do. They don’t want resolution and solution so that they can get on with their lives. There is no life for a narcissist without narcissistic supply and with peace and harmony in its place.
They feed and thrive off pain and drama and knowing that they can hurt you and get attention from you. The longer this goes on for, the more the narcissist’s ego receives its vindication.
So here are the three choices for you in order of less preferable to most preferable.
Try to hang in there waiting for the narcissist to do the right thing … by trying not to rock the boat, giving them what they want, or trying to help them get over it by supporting them in the separation.
All of this just grants the narcissist a feed that energises them to drag it out, to keep you hooked in, and your suffering going.
By using these ‘play it safe’ tactics, you are bypassing your own healing, evolution and uplevelling and continuing to hand your power away. A likely outcome is that you will be locked in stagnation and ongoing battle with the narcissist with no end in sight.
Capitulate and walk away losing a great deal, if not everything, to the narcissist.
Before I knew how to stand up to narcissists and win against them, this was the choice I took. I let everything go to save my life.
Absolutely it can mean a narcissist loses all physical and practical holds over you (you still have the energetic one to heal yourself from), but it also means that you may have to restart your life possibly from scratch (which is possible – many Thrivers including myself have achieved it).
It’s also important to understand that no matter what you grant the narcissist to appease them or try to do the right thing, ease your own guilt, or finally get them to recognise that you are a good person … according to them, you will always be the villain, smeared to all and sundry, who destroyed their life.
Stand and deliver your True Self and power.
Without any of the old fears and inner programs that were derailing you, you can completely cut off narcissistic supply and disempower the narcissist, and then hit them at their weakest point (which I will explain to you shortly.)
If you choose number 3 and do it the right way, you could defeat the narcissist quickly and receive more than you thought would be your result.
This happens REALLY because all of life celebrates and rewards powerful soul graduations.
Finding and Exposing the Narcissist’s Gaps.
The absolute number 1 tip to bring a narcissist to justice is finding their weakest point and exposing it.
A narcissist’s weakest point is this:
Lack of integrity.
Narcissists are delusional, entitled and disordered. Their version of reality is not one that the rest of the world accepts as true.
In every narcissist’s behaviour is lies, loose actions based on egoic hubris, false versions and skewered realities.
They leave themselves open to the exposure of this where they drastically lose credibility and power.
Here are some examples:
By remaining calm and totally factual in any communication electronically, many narcissists will ‘pop’ with horrible replies that expose their sickness.
A narcissist I once dealt with, lied to authorities regarding not receiving notification from me. I had sent them registered mail that they signed for which exposed that lie. Their case fell apart shortly after this. (The moral to this story is to make every dealing recorded and therefore accountable.)
Megan, one of my clients, exposed in court how her husband had not contributed to the mortgage or bills for years, which completely short-circuited his lies and overentitled property settlement claim.
I really want you to know, when you have no fear of delivering everything, within your rights that is the truth and fully expose it CALMLY and CLEARLY without being emotionally derailed, then False Selves crumble.
It’s a narcissist’s biggest nightmare, just as it is a vampire when a whopping great light is shone on them.
The Step-by-step Formula
This is the absolute formula to bring a narcissist to justice.
Heal up your gaps to the level where the narcissist no longer ‘matters’ to you, and the narcissist knows it.
Treat the narcissist as a non-being, without any emotion whatsoever and stay firmly on the matter at hand.
If the narcissist still plays games, start legal proceedings powerfully yourself.
Gather and use every bit of arsenal you have against them, calmly and factually. Don’t diagnose or cite ‘narcissism’, just expose behaviour.
Let go of your attachment to results and be empowered in the knowing that you are graduating (evolving yourself) to the fearless power of self-love, self-respect and self-honour, regardless of what anyone else isn’t or isn’t doing.
Continue releasing all traumas and triggers that arise and keep bringing in more of your True Self to replace them, with NARP, so that you stay on course.
If you are prepared to do what it takes to evolve to this level of power and True Self, you will become a force impervious to False Selves. This is the truth that countless Thrivers in the NARP community have achieved.
What happened for most of us is the narcissist capitulated. They let go, grant you what you want and exit the scene. They must – they cannot bear being irrelevant to you, treated like a nobody and exposed as their disordered self.
I know this path is not for the faint-hearted. It’s not something we can attempt from our mind, born from fear, resentment, retaliation or righteousness. If you try to bring a narcissist to justice from an inner emotional resonance of victimisation, you will only receive more victimised results which will traumatise you further.
Your actions must come from a choice of personal evolution and rising into it as your greatest life mission. It can’t be for ANY other reason if it is to be authentic.
There is also the need to see this opportunity, to heal and rise, as a gift and a blessing.
Right there is the most powerful force you can harness.