[GET] Mark Manson having an Ask Me Anything session on Reddit

[sprawn]

Not sure if this would be considered a [GET] but it so interesting that I had to post the link. I hope that's ok with you all.

It's Mark Manson having an Ask Me Anything session on Reddit. So many aha moments for me. My respect for this guy has just gone through the roof. The way he breaks things down step by step and how to move from one step to the next is like catnip for me.

An example is:

[–]TheNotoriousPhD 3 points 5 years ago*

If I'm consistently failing how do I figure out what I'm doing wrong?
For someone who hasn't had much consistent success with women to deal with failure in a healthy way, how do I overcome the frustration of not getting the results I feel I deserve?

Especially since frustration often turns into neediness (since what you want becomes so elusive) or anger (either inwardly or outwardly directed), both of which only intensify the problem further.

The consistent failure's just made me feel like shit because it annoys me that I can't figure this out, even though I'm a normal, social, self-aware person.

I've decided to stop cold-approaching altogether for a month or two, recollect, and focus on myself. The alone time's made me quite happy.

But when I go back to this, and I still don't get any results, how do I figure out what to fix? How do I maintain that chipper vibe, that core non-needy indifference (or rather, unconditionality) that's necessary for a woman to like you?

Hell, even as I write this I can already sense the seeds of a "learned helplessness" attitude.

[–]MarkMansonPM[S] 14 points 5 years ago

If you can approach but get rejected a lot or can't hold a conversation, then it's some combination of your appearance/presentation and your conversational ability (a good gauge of the latter is how well you can hold a conversation with a guy you don't know; if you can do that then it's probably your presentation putting women off).

If you can approach and have conversations but never get any interest, then you're not generating any attraction. That can also be appearance/presentation, but more often than not it's because the guy has some major sexual/self-esteem hang ups. Either he's trying way too hard to attract her (entertainer mindset, way too inauthentic), or he's scared to death of his sexuality and not expressing it at all, i.e., Nice Guy Syndrome.

If he can get women sexually interested but they always flake, it means that he's coming off as inauthentic and not genuine in his interactions and he needs to connect with women more as individuals.

If girls don't flake but things just never go anywhere then the guy is not physically escalating and probably has some sexual anxiety.

If he physically escalates but the girls put up a ton of resistance and kind of freak out, then he's once again treating them like a piece of meat and not as individuals with some respect and dignity.

A lot of women in the world are down for casual sex at the drop of a hat, but every woman needs to feel like the guy she's sleeping with at least respects her. Unless she's inexperienced, you should never get resistance to sex. Ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.


[–]TheNotoriousPhD 2 points 5 years ago

Thank you, Mark. Your step-wise break-down is helpful. I have a follow-up:
Could you elaborate on each of these mistakes: "Either he's trying way too hard to attract her (entertainer mindset, way too inauthentic), or he's scared to death of his sexuality and not expressing it at all, i.e., Nice Guy Syndrome. "

I feel authentic in that I'm genuinely curious about finding something about the girl that is interesting to me beyond her looks before I get her number.

But, lately, all the girls I talk to are in such a hurry from the get-go that I don't even get the chance to connect more. When a girl is interested, I know she will give you time, so I'm unsure why my vibe is off-putting. Any thoughts?

I know it's tough to answer this since you haven't seen at all what I'm doing. But, say, from your coaching days what were the common pit-falls for guys with this issue?

Second: How would I express sexuality when I first chat-up a girl on the street, say? I'm completely upfront about the fact that I think they're cute - need I do anything more?

[–]MarkMansonPM[S] 4 points 5 years ago

Why do you feel such a need to connect with them right away? Why are you TRYING to connect with them, that kind of defeats the purpose of connecting with them, no?

You connect with people by being open yourself first. If you go into an interaction thinking, "I gotta get this girl way invested in me, I gotta get her to open up about her passions and dreams and fears" then you're just going to put pressure on her and she's going to bail.

You go first. And you don't force it. You just do it casually, as part of being who you are.

Second: on the street saying she's cute and asking her on a date is plenty.

https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comme...oach_self/

It helped me, hope it helps you.

sprawn